Thursday, July 19, 2012

Confessions of a True Trekker - III

The Alpha Male    -    Continuation of Confessions of a True Trekker - The Barber's Mirror
Courtesy: ssoosay

Inside the female brain, an organizer was like an alpha male, always leading the herd towards greener pastures, right in the front with head held high, commanding the harem and rest of the worker males. He would shout loudly "follow me" and an image of superman in red undies would light up inside the female brains with a pleasant tickling of 10 volt DC. The savior of the mankind has arrived! The  status of rest of the men in the team was reduced to mere sterile worker bees whose sole aim in life was to serve the queen bee. The caveat was that all the ladies considered themselves nothing less than the queen bee with a deep-rooted hatred for polygamy. In female brain, one king + numerous queens is not equal to polygamy! I don't know how this equation would ever equate, but nothing surprising given that mathematics has never been a priority for ladies. They even have difficulty counting till 28 each month without making mistakes!

So, I took up the pain to organize treks as well, just to please these beauties. God only knows what all I had to do, burning midnight oil to plan the trail so that the ladies could enjoy all that that they say they enjoy, such as drains, mud puddle, big rock, small rock, fat tree, green trees, red tree; running in and out of the forest offices to get permission to enter the so-called "pristine" forests. I can't make myself understand why these ladies love to update their status saying "entered a virgin forest, one that has never been touched by man". Telling you frankly, all the forest look the same to me, same big trees, rocks, and mud. Only Kamdev would know what the ladies imagine when they talk about virgin forest.

Entering highly-protected forest to please them was sappa matter, we have even burnt entire trees all together inside such protected areas so that the fetish of these ladies to dance around campfire could be fulfilled. And then they would like to get themselves photographed sitting next to the fire, ignoring the slaves who worked harder to collect wood and make fire than they had ever done in the comfort of air-conditioned office.

As it turns out, female brain is far more complex than the credit default swaps around which the entire world economy collapsed. Even though they profess their love for adventure and thrill, the definition of these words are entirely different in their brains. Within few months of my career as trek organizer, complaints started pouring in from ladies community. They complained to the higher authorities that in the name of trekking, I was making them walk as much as 10 kilometers each day, often in sunny weather,  mineral water and chicken were always in short supply and they were forced to make do with stream water and dry chapatis. Neither there was any arrangement of guest house nor any toilet for morning ablutions. Safety and modesty of ladies were being risked on treks organized by me.

Finally, bowing to pressure from women right activists, the higher authorities decided to ban me from organizing treks. My dreams of being the alpha male were crushed right there. A lesson was learned, just like CDS, by the time you understand the female brain, the damage is already done and you are right in the middle of the crisis. All the risks I took for the future profits now looked so much foolish after the fact.

Now, it was time for introspection into the strategies. What went wrong in this grand plan of procreation?

Next Parts:
1. Confessions of a True Trekker - IV - The (Actual) Lesson
2. Confessions of a True Trekker - V - The Betrayal of Fatherland

Previous Parts:
1. Confessions of a True Trekker - I - The Prelude
2. Confessions of a True Trekker - II - The Barber’s Mirror
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  1. good thoughts..

    can i assume that the motive behind writing these,so openly, is to get a girl friend? :P

  2. You mean, trekking failed to realize your wishes, so trek-blogging to the fore?? I have another comment - Will reserve it for the part where the result of your trek-blogging is announced :P

  3. Thanks Zeba. I'll await your valuable comments. :-)

  4. Alpha male = Peter Von Geit :P

  5. After reading this I have these thoughts about you 1. You are a desperate male wanting to bed a girl and she'll be mentally abused with your blogs 2. Your thoughts about female brain is so cheap and neanderthal, respect them and yeah don't forget to show this blog to your female family members and get their feedback.

    1. Thanks a lot for your thoughts. I really respect the fact that you took time to read, ponder, and respond. Most people in this world lack capability to do any of the three. I really appreciate that your open-mindedness to expressed your views openly, regardless how derogatory they were, even though anonymously. It is rare to see such quality in men or women to speak their minds out even anonymously. I am glad that men and women of your stature and intellect have read my blog.


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